Thank you

I have been meaning to write everyone and thank you for your comments of encouragement, your support and especially your prayers. God has shown me His love through all of you.  All of what we have had going on has overwhelmed me, but honestly your friendship has overwhelmed me more.

Camille just brought this beautiful gift over from all the girls at work. They are SO sweet! (love the magazines!)

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No baby in there…

I am feeling SOOOO bloated today. And since I am home and needing to amuse myself to pass the time, I took a picture of my belly to show you all. In a few months I am planning on that being baby not belly full of stuff.

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post traumatic stress

hotest male nurse around...

hottest male nurse around...

Now that the drum roll is over, the band has gone home and all the drama leading up until the dreaded “trigger” is a thing of the past. I went to bed last night to, rest easy, and thinking about tomorrow being a new day.

owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! About 2am I woke up with pain rumbling through my abdomen. I really don’t have any way to explain the pain since its something I haven’t ever had before. I am guessing this is how I will feel until they let me lay my eggs. (I don’t have many more days to make these stupid egg jokes)

I was laying in bed thinking about the pain and annoyed that the ONE day I could sleep in, I was laying there wide awake feeling like crap. However I stopped myself and had to thank the Lord. I had been so worried about my sleep the last month+ and how I would feel. Overall I have slept great, felt great and I have to give God all the glory for that. It could have been so much worse……

If you think about me today, pray that I find a position to sit/lay/stand (whatever) where I am not in pain. And that I will remember its just for a short time, and oh-so worth it.

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Pulling the trigger

We had our last appointment/sonogram this morning before final thumbs up. Our nurse just called with my estrogen levels (6600) and gave us the GO!

Tonight at exactly 10pm Ryan has to give me a shot they call “the trigger”. Since I said in an earlier post I would explain this… here goes.  Basically now that I have gathered all my eggs in one basket (sorry… I couldn’t help it) my body now needs to release the eggs. Which is called ovulation. Instead of allowing my body to do this naturally, they give me a HSG shot that will cause me to ovulate and release all those eggs with in the next 36 hours. We are expecting this to be a rather painful and uncomfortable experience. Ladies, not sure about you… but I cramp over one lil’ tiny egg. No telling what it will feel like dropping 59.

 On Wednesday at 7:45 we have to be at clinic for the removal of these eggs that had been released. I will be put under local anesthesia for this but will be home by mid afternoon if all goes well. 

As far as whats happening after that… Its still up in the air. Taking it ONE day at a time..

PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

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Answered prayer!

Well we have good news friends! I have 59 follicles in me. All at a fairly large size, my ovaries are the size of grapefruits and I am in such discomfort. However.. God is Good! What we have been praying for is that the stimulation’s would work and that I would have a retrieval.. and we should be having one this week. And only ONE! What does that all mean? Well basically I have more eggs then I would need in a lifetime. Ryan and I do not want 59 children. However if they retrieve them and create a small number of healthy embryo’s… then we are set for life.

Dr. M sat us down to chat after my sono and explained to us our options. Not to repeat myself over and over.. but he reinforced my strong likeliness for hyper-stimulation. Our options to combat this were : stop where we are at and cancel the cycle. Not happening. He doesn’t think that is necessary and we were praying that this wouldn’t happen. SO we move on to having the trigger and releasing the eggs. This will all happen in the next 36-48 hours. At the point they retrieve the eggs is the place where we have a choice we need to make. Since my body is more at risk after the eggs are removed and even more so if a pregnancy were to take place we could freeze the embryo’s and then allow my ovaries to heal (Dr. M said this takes about 2 months). Or we go forward and I would be put on serious observation, medications and they would place 1 embryo in me next weekend. I never got to ask the question, “dr. marynick what would you do?” He basically told us before we make a decision we creep (his words) until tomorrow. I have another sono and more blood work. They will also assign us the time to pull the trigger. *I will explain this tomorrow. 

We have literally only been able to take this a day at a time. At times… hours at a time. So today I am just praising the Lord for answered prayer. And for getting me through the week/weekend. Thank you for praying for me, for trusting the Lord in my behalf.
 
Please pray that Ryan and I will make the best decision for our future. We don’t want to risk my health however we still are so anxious for a child.

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Egypt’s purpose

I often like to think “where was I a year ago?” And I don’t just mean physically. However literally a year ago this week, Ryan and I were in Egypt. God had lead us there with our church on a missions trip. Both of us had been on many missions trips but never as a couple. So we were anxious to learn how the Lord could use US as a team. It didn’t take long to learn our weaknesses and our strengths. I loved interacting with the children and woman and learning the language as I could understand. I HATED teaching and very quickly realized it is not a gift I poccess. It was actually quite hard to see this side of myself. I was very stretched and felt extremely uncomfortable teaching. I remember crying to Ryan in our hotel room one night. I felt like a complete failure because our purpose on that trip was to teach.

Purpose.

What a interesting word that is. I have spent the last year learning about my purpose. Actually I have spent the last 29 years learning this. And it has changed as the seasons of life have changed. The world and even the church has told me my purpose is wife, mother, hard worker, money making machine. God has shown me something so different to all that lately. I have learned my purpose for now is to be still. I am not a great teacher, I am not a mother, I try and be a good wife. I certainly don’t make money worth talking about. However like Moses, I have had to spend time being still and just learning who God is. Its not about me right now.

Its about Him. And if I focus on that… I find my purpose.

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I’m ALL woman!

I have so much estrogen in my body right now… there is no confusing me with a man. Ha! (I’m trying to look at positive sides of things for now)
 
We had our appointment this morning and basically Dr. M found MORE follicles. Which at first I wanted to scream and cry. However I waited and listened to him and searched for any signs that it will be okay. He said that he as my doctor likes to see the follicle growth and size on Day 10. Which is Sunday. At that point he will decide, based on my estrogen and my follicle count and size IF and WHEN I will proceed with the HCG trigger shot. Which would be given to me to release all these bad boys ,for them to retrieve a couple days later. I am at a high risk for OHSS ( http://www.ivf-infertility.com/ivf/standard/complications/ovarian_stimulation/ohss.php) so please keep this in prayer.
 
Nurse called a few minutes ago and she told me my dose for the next 36 hours. Also I asked her my estrogen level and she informed me it had more then doubled from Wednesday. It was at 4033. So yes! I am ALL woman! She explained to me with the amount of follicles in me at the moment (over 50) this level is NORMAL. I never thought hearing that word would feel so good. She explained that they want to keep it below 8000 before the trigger. So we need to PRAY that it doesn’t double by Sunday. We will be in trouble if that happens.

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